You know how people blame Disney movies for giving
people unrealistic expectations about love? Well, I blame porn for giving me
unrealistic expectations about sex. If porn were any indication of people's
everyday sex lives, we'd all be firing off liquid streams of erotic bliss at
every climax. Sorry, but no.
The elusive sex sensation isn't entirely
impossible. Apparently, for some women, it does come (ha!) naturally. But for
others, it is possible to learn and achieve.
First, a little refresher on what squirting
actually is: While there's still a lot of debate, Madeleine
Castellanos, M.D., notes that "squirting appears to be fluid that’s
retained in the bladder that’s released either when a woman has an orgasm or other
times." This is thought to involve the skene’s glands—two structures
located near the end of the urethra that can produce fluid with G-spot
stimulation.
But why the hype? Castellanos notes that it can
feel pretty effing fantastic. In fact, one study showed nearly 80 percent
of women who've experienced squirting said it improved their sex
lives. "The urethra has all these nerve endings in it, as anybody who’s
ever had a UTI can attest," she explains. "It’s very sensitive. So
when you get this rush of fluid going through, at the same time you’re having
an orgasm or you’re getting sexual stimulation…that can be a very pleasurable
experience."
"A lot of people think this is the pinnacle of
orgasm...and if you haven’t done it, your orgasms are less-than—I don’t agree
with that," Castellanos says. "For some people, squirting enhances
orgasm, and for other people, it does nothing, or it detracts from it. It’s not
the same for everybody." No shame either way.
Of course, you'll never know until you try. So if
you’re still curious about making yourself squirt, here's a step-by-step guide
to attempting your first time.
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If you do succeed in squirting, things may get a
tad...messy. So Castellanos recommends taking precautions if you're worried
about over-saturating your sheets.
Try to relax, and give yourself plenty of
time to get turned on.
Have patience with yourself and your body. “It can
take some time to get a feel for it,” says Antonia Hall, psychologist
and author of The Ultimate Guide to a
Multi-Orgasmic Life.
Start by focusing on the clit.
“Focus first on stimulating your clitoris, as it'll
help bring blood into the area and get your G-spot area ready for play,” says
Hall.
Then, place a lot of pressure on the G-spot.
When you're turned on, insert your middle and ring
finger a couple of inches inside the vagina and rub your G-spot, which feels
like a small ridged area along the front of your vaginal wall, Hall says.
And realize you’re going to need to do it for an
extended period. "What [you’re] pushing on is actually erectile
tissue that surrounds the urethra," Castellanos explains. "As you’re stroking that, what you’re doing is you’re changing the angle of the urethra to the bladder. This makes it much easier for that fluid to be expelled." To improve your odds of squirting, relax the pelvic floor muscles as you stimulate the G-spot.
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The amount of pressure needed to squirt is "usually more pressure than you can do yourself or a partner can do for you, especially for a long period—and it typically takes a while to learn this," says Marin.
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A lot of women feel like they’re going to pee when they’re close to reaching an O, but that got-to-go feeling is often sparked by that fluid coming from the Skene's glands behind the G-spot (aka squirting),
explains Hall.
And even if pee does come out, don't stress, says
Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the creator of Finishing School. "Sex
is messy and there’s a lot of fluids involved already, so even if it was urine,
who cares?" (But if it'll make you feel better, you can use the restroom
before you get started.)
Don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't pan out.
Don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't pan out.
Above all, Castellanos says, "be compassionate
with yourself, if you don’t make yourself squirt."
If you don't succeed the first time—or even after
multiple attempts—it just means your body’s natural impulse is to keep anything
from coming out of the urethra while you get busy. Just relax, enjoy the
feelings, and if it happens, it happens.
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